tee vee dinner

its just never something i’ve been interested in.
when i was a kid i remember my mum telling me that people who do drugs are just doing it to try and be cool and although i now know that theres sooooo many reasons why people do drugs or even needs drugs it really stuck with me cause as the rebellious self righteous child i was i was like “hell no i am ever doing anything just to be cool”. i’ve been around alot of drug use since i was 13 and although theres lots of hanging out centered around drug taking (and may i mention drinking, omg!!!!! thats outta control) i’ve never seen the need to do drugs (i do drink at times but not often) and ive hella felt left out and like i was missing out on some secret but deep down i knew it wasnt what i wanted to be doing.
i personally dont take drugs cause im worried how they would effect my happiness and life in both the long term and short term also cause the idea of being high, tripping, peaking, stoned, wasted, whatevzzzzzzzzz seems really unpleasant to me, i dont like to spend money, i wanna be as accountable for my actions as i can be, i wanna be present and remember stuff and as hard as it is i wanna be able to deal with shit as oppose to escape it, i feel skeptical about the the abuse of power amongst those dealing/supplying drugs and those with dependencies, i dont like how historically queer people and weirdos hav been linked to drug use in negative ways and dont wanna perpetuate any of that. as a teen i was considered high risk for someone who would abuse drugs due to the amount of access i had + the area i lived in + being gay and i consciously wanted to prove it wrong. i mean i hav loads of reasons, i think if theres things in life that you really wanna do then you should consider it, and most likely just do it but if you dont wanna then dont.

i was born/grew up in australia (my home base has been melbourne since 2009) but i’ve spent the past 3 northern hemisphere summers in the u.s.a. and for now im in seattle <3 <3 <3

i sure did!!!
and im going to be a band manager this year, im sooooo soooo excited already!!!!! omg!!!!!!!!! i already know its gonna be my summer high light!

id be suprised if i havent already

OMG JEALOUS!!

hellz yes i am!!!!!!

yeah, i do constantly hav to come out to people (sometimes repeatably), i wish i didnt hav to. i get pretty awquard in social settings if theres someone i dont know cause of this.
i was born a baby girl but i identify as a male (i’m a transboy) and i go by male pronouns. in everyday situations like going to the store i could care less how people perceive my gender. i know that cause of the way i dress and my hair and voice and lack of facial hair ETC ETC ETC i’m gonna be unquestionably read as female. so it doesnt bother me one bit when i get called miss and she by strangers. i know that alot of people who are following me read me as female at first, i mean duh!!!! i also know that when meeting someone for the first time they probs think im a girl, and thats totally ok (i mean its annoying but not their fault!). usually if we are in a social setting and it becomes obvious that someone thinks im a girl i just ignore it, sometimes its not worth outing myself and i dont want to possibly embarrass them or make them feel bad but if i think that i will be seeing them again or actually want us to be friends ill ask a mutual friend to tell them, also often im too anxious to be able to bring up that conversation on my own.
being trans is just a part of who i am. i definitely dont want my gender to define me and what people think of me, i’m so much more then just a gender, duh!!! so i dont wanna talk about it all the time or hav it dictate my friendships or life, but at the end of the day its relevant to knowing me and its something people need to know if we are gonna be close or spend time around each other enough.
so heres the 411, people i know and who are my friends some even close friends, who i’ve know for years, some who hav only know me as he and a boy, some who ive personally talk to about my gender, mess up my pro nouns or say other weird stuff about how im a girl or other things as if im female. and 90% of the time i say nothing, i totally freeze up and freak out but my face remains normal and i act happy like its all ok, but its not, i dont understand it when queers who know me and know i’m a boy cant see me as that. sometimes people will correct themselves immediately, which i appreciate cause then i dont hav to freak out n be like “omg does my bff really not remember im a boy, do i actually hav to tell them again omg omg omg eeeep” and also because if there are other people around who maybe dont me so well i worry they will think “oh i thought samuel was a boy but if his really good friend is calling them she i must be wrong”. so if you find yr self messing up someones pronouns or misgendering them in anyway correct yourself. i was bullied so much as a child and grew up in a house with lots of fighting so from a very young age i learnt that if someone hurts you the safest thing to do is not let them find out. which makes sense for a kid being bullied but isnt really working for me now as an adult. i just feel so much guilt and shame in someone upsetting me about something personal that i dont want anyone to know about it.
i’m choosing to respond to this now cause in a 24 hours period during pride weekend i had 6 different queer friends misgender me, all who know im a boy, and i felt so dumb founded and down about it. i just dont get it, i mean i look really girly but there are so many other trans people in our community and i could never imagine people responding to them in that way. i’ve been out publicly for 3 years now (i held off coming out for a while as i knew people wouldnt respect that im a boy cause im so femme), and i’ve taken hormones on occasions and to be honest i’m 30000times butcher then i was 2 years ago. i know that some people will say stuff and not even notice that they did, everyone says wrong words at times, and sometimes its simply just that, i dont think anyone is doing it intentionally to fuck with me.
i wish i had the courage to correct people more often.
this said i hav lots of friends who are great about it and who i can tell see me for who i really am and i’ve had friends who off their own back hav corrected people or spoken to them later, thankyou!! i love that!!

can someone tell me!!!!?????
i know a few but im definitely not one to tattle on the internet about dumpster locations, if we talk irl id totes love to tell you.

i dont know her but from the internet i thinks shes cool. i could imagine we’d get along irl. shes cute looking + has cool clothes + seems funny + is like roolly popular, and whenever she reblogs my stuff it gets hella notes which is nice. i think her film tween dreams is amazing!!!!!!!

well im gonna tell a story about what was going on in my life etc around the time i started to make skate bitches and through that hopefully answer yr question in ways.
in november last year i moved back to melbourne from seattle to be with my partner/love of my life but we broke up the day i got back. it sucked!!! i missed all my friends and life in the pnw and was completely heart broken and had no where to live and felt pretty outta the loop of what was happening in australia (id only been gone for 6 months but shit seemed so different). a friend of mine was out of town so i got to stay in her room for that first week and i would just lye on her floor listening to friends bands and day dreaming about riding bikes and dancing and fun times and having my friends in the bands singing the songs to me lovingly trying to cheer me up. i would spend hours just dreaming up these montages, and would get pretty obsessed, so i decided that they had to be played out for me to watch with my real eyes, via film. i had no clue what so ever how to film stuff or even what to film things on or how to edit, i knew nothing. so i enrolled to go to film school and started 2 months later. i had lots of ideas of films i wanted to make but a skate witches remake ended up surfacing to the top of what i wanted to do. so i wrote the screenplay for the first scene and the synopsis in like an hour. i just really wanted to make it but couldnt really work on it til i had a room which i finally got in late february. i moved in and 4 days later had my birthday and like 2 days later started working on it. i spent the next month writting the screenplay (i hav a copy of the welcome to the dollhouse screenplay that i found in that trash that i taught myself from), talking to my friends that i wanted to be in it about it and sending them emails all the time, making up characters back stories, riding around melbourne trying to find good locations, researching camera equipment, going to everyones house who was is it to figure out outfits with them, collecting things and making things for the club house. i was pretty OTT busy. i stopped riding my bike places so i could catch the train and be able to spend that time story boarding or working on dialogue, it was my life. meanwhile school kinda sucked so i stopped going to lots of classes, i think im best self taught anyway.  it was all filmed in one day (on april 1st), except for the first scene at the store which was filmed about a week after. i then had someone put final cut pro on my computer and i started watching youtube tutorials on how to use it. and ta-duh its finally done haaha.
to me i wanted the underlying theme of skate bitches to be about my experience in both the punk scene and queer scene and how judgmental and hypocritical both can be. alot of the characters are definitely based on different parts of my personality at different times in my life, so much of the dialogue is from stuff i’ve said irl hahaha. but i wanted the film to be super posi and fun and funny while touching on that other stuff and showing that sometimes people are mean but that comes from a hurt place for them and that people should be held accountable but can totally grow from that and that sometimes those “cool people” you see around n wanna be a part of so badly might not be as nice and fun as you think.

LOVES IT