The Infamous Middle Finger tee vee dinner

tee vee dinner

femme punk transboy from australia (living in canada) who likes eating outta trash cans and teen culture. films i've made and photos i've taken can be seen here:

Anonymous asked: You're a boy but you make primarily dyke porn and I find that a bit uncomfortable.

im glad people are questioning males creating things for female audiences.
the videos i make are heavily influenced by the types of things and stories and people i wanted to see on film and in media when i was a teenager. when i was a teenager i was a girl and a dyke, hence why my videos center around themes and characters that more represent my life in the past and not the present. ultimately im making films for my teenage self, im drawing on my real experiences and desires when i was a teen (not sexual desires but my desire to see visibly queer femme characters for example).
i wrote the screen play and did the costuming and set design (as well as shot and edited blah blah blah) for both the explicit films i made but i didnt “write the sex” so to speak. i think yr forgetting about the autonomy of the cast. i was definitely present during the dialogue when the cast were talking about how the sex scenes were going to go down, but as far as i were concerned they could have all been fully clothed holding hands or having a pillow fight and eating lollipops. it wasnt my choice or place to say how the sex scenes would play out, that was entirely up to the cast aka people who are dykes and/or queer women. i then wrote senses and dialogue around what they wanted to do and how they wanted to be represented.

omg I just found out some people on the internet believe cis means and they think it is a dis …… um, what! no no no

two and a half years ago i decided to stop lying. i would lie about not knowing things or understanding things, when actually alot of the time i knew more about whatever it was the other person was talking about than they did. i would lie about how much i cared about things, i would dismiss things that were a really big deal and important to me and i would lie about how things effected me and about my experiences, i’d down play everything.
a close friend called me on it, they said i lie so when people dont like me and when they treat me bad i can tell myself ‘well, its just cause they dont know the real me’. they were totally right.
i use to ask questions i already knew the answers to and pretend that when someone was telling me facts that i had never heard of it before or didnt understand. i felt like people wouldnt like me if i was a know it all, especially if i knew more than they did. i also have a learning disability so i grew up struggling with doing things all the other kids could such as reading but i was exceptionally creative so the things that made me smart were never celebrated as that but were instead seen as me having mental problems and not being normal.
i use to act like i didnt really have any goals or ambition, if people asked me what i was going to that day i would lie and say nothing or hang out or watch tv, instead of the truth which was work really hard on something or do something important. i would lie about it cause 1. i didnt want people to realise i was actually smart 2. people would know if i tried something and it failed 3. it would show that i thought that what i did matter which would be embarrassing as i believed i would be the only one.
i use to downplay my experiences and feelings to other people. if something really awesome happened to me or i felt good about something i did i would either not tell people or only tell some details to make it not seem as good. and if i was hurt by something or if i had hard experiences especially if i had been oppressed i would down play by acting like i was fine or better off than i really am e.g. i grew up lower class but i would tell people i was middle class, and the real reason i wear a binder everyday is cause i have body dysphoria but i would tell people i do it so i can fit into smaller sized shirts.
i realised that the reason i lied about all this stuff was cause i was so embarrassed by the fact that i was treated like i was worthless for most of my life, to the point that i felt like the reality of me actually not being worthless was a secret that only i knew but had to keep. and that if others could see that i was smart and thoughtful and had struggles and really cared about myself and my life and had aspirations and tried really hard that they would feel sorry for me and it would be awkward. and i thought id constantly be in a state of guilt for making all these people so upset and angry for all the times ive been treated unfairly and for all the struggles ive had. butttt than it occurred to me that if people are getting upset or angry because of the hard experiences ive had its because they care, and i shouldnt feel guilty because someone cares about me, especially when i really seem to like and respect those who do know me and care about me, and hey, i truely love and adore me most of the time and i feel great about that.
so then i started doing what i really wanted and was honest about everything, and stopping lying to others was the best decision ive ever made and was the greatest gift ive maybe ever given myself.



Shout Back! Festival is very happy to announce the 2014 band lineup!!! Thank you so much to everyone who applied ♥♥♥♥

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artistic crisis (Bellingham)
banshee (Edmonton)

i know what im going to be listening to before i go to bed

worked for 8.5 hrs today picking berries but only made $47, gotta increase my pounds picked per hour

worked for 8.5 hrs today picking berries but only made $47, gotta increase my pounds picked per hour