Anonymous asked: hi there! you are fantastic, love your style, all that jazz. i have a question for ya that i hope you can help with. i am a ciswoman and i want to start dating a trans guy. i am pan but i have only ever had sex with cis dudes so i am a bit nervous about sex with this guy. i realize communication n consent will obviously be key, but i don't want to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. any advice?
i think the number 1 most important thing to know about having sex with a transperson is that not all transpeople are the same. im a transguy and ive also had sex with other transguys, but just cause someone might be trans or has had sex with 1 or even 100 trans people, it dont mean that they know a transperson is into. you cant really predict what someone likes sexually based on their gender or butchness/femmeness. some transguys are tops, some are bottoms, some are both, some like using strap ons while others dont, some might only be into certain things with a specific person/people or in certain situations, also what people are into changes.
communication and consent is a must for sex with anyone. dont use a word for peoples junk (gentiles) unless they’ve used it in reference to themselves or had told you what word to call it. think about what certain words insinuate too. like dont say something like i wanna eat you out, instead maybe say i wanna blow you or instead of thinking ‘oh this person is wet’ think ‘wow they have alot of pre cum’ .transguys are guys, not girls, their dicks may be smaller than cis guys but they still have a dick so treat it like what it really truely is (a sml dick). i think the best way to try not say or do the wrong thing is by being open and respectful and asks questions if its appropriate, maybe even talk alot about the sex you both wanna have before it happens- use it at foreplay even, share what you wanna do and what yr turned on by - it doesnt mean the other person has to do that stuff with you. i think you (and everyone) should read dude magazine. it has alot of articles about this kinda stuff (you can download the first two issues).
and while im on the topic of writings about sex with trans people theres a really awesome zine called fucking trans women.
faggotslut added: For anon: Asking someone what they like to call their body parts, how they want to be touched, and how they want to identify is totally okay! You may also ask this each time, or at least check in with them before. I believe this applies to anyone even if you believe they are cis.
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