Anonymous asked: issue: I am a straight girl who has just fallen for a female bodied/male identified person. do you think it's cruel of me to keep seeing this person in private even though I know we can never be in a real/public relationship? i'm just not ready to come out as being with this person, and i don't know if i ever will be.
hmmmm. i cant tell you any secrets to resolve how yr feeling but i can suggest some things you should think about.
if this person identifies as male then they are male, and i know its not always as simple as that, but at the end of the day it kinda is cause not all males are the same. it seems like yr attracted to/have fallen for this person, and thats more revlevent then sexuality or gender or what other people think but as you are a straight girl it seems that feeling that way about a male is right up yr alley. so whats the big deal?
i feel a mix of ways about seeing/dating people in private/secret. when i was 15/16 my first girlfriend wanted to keep our relationship a secret. we dated for 8 months but still kept sleeping with each other for 6 months after, went to school together, had some classes together, even sat with the same group at lunch and no one knew!!!! (well towards the end my mum knew, and like 2 other people) it was horrible for me! i was out as a homo and she was straight. it meant i had no one to talk to about our relationship problems or my feelings or the exciting stuff either. cause of this im pretty anti seeing people in private. but maybe for some people its ok, i think the only person who can tell you if its cruel is the person yr seeing, but know that they might not be honest with you or themselves. if they really like you theres a chance they’ll do things that might not be the best for them in order for you to be happy and for them to be able to still spend time with you.
you should ask yourself these questions:
why cant you never be in a real/public relationship with each other?
what is a real or public relationship mean for you? is it telling all yr friends? just some friends? or yr parents? or holding hands in public? wearing matching t-shirts that say “omg we are dating and totally made out last night” then posting a picture of it on tumblr?
what do you think you need in order to be ready to have other people know about yr feeling/relationship for/with this other person?
eeeeep i’m in the library and the computer is about to kick me offfffffffffffffffffff
edit: phew, back online hahahaha. if yr answer to those questions are along the lines of ‘you dont wanna be seen as a lesbian’ then the issue is the way you see transmen as not real men and i therefor really dont advise you keep seeing one. it seems you have some stuff you need to figure out about yrself before you should be in a relationship with someone else, chances are this person has been though alot figuring out who they are and sharing that with you and other people and i know that personally if a straight girl was having an issue with the fact i was “born a girl” then i would hella end it/not even get involved cause it would fuck with me too much and make me feel kinda gross.
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- poofterdagger said: “i’m just not ready to come out as being with this person, and i don’t know if i ever will be. ” That just sounds like shame, or trying to avoid transphobia and if that’s how you feel you don’t deserve this person.
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